so, apparently i'm an extrovert

i mean, i've never doubted it before, but i've loved my alone time. just never realized how balanced it was with my talk my face off time.

saturday i had one conversation. one. i chatted with a sweet couple at the farmers market for about 10 min and then didn't talk to anyone else the rest of the day. i didn't realize what a big deal this was until at about 10pm i felt like i had been hit by a truck. completely drained. i sat there baffled. drained? but i did life giving things, like reading, relaxing, cleaning. normal things that don't drain a person. and then i remembered my one measly little ten minute conversation. for me, someone who could easily carry on a conversation for excess of 5 hours, this was a big deal. i never realized that not talking could exhaust me.

About a month ago i moved into an apartment by myself. i love it. its the cutest little place (pictures to come soon. when i remember to take them in the daylight). with the best location. and it just perfect for me. At the same time, my cube mate of two years (which is a long time in my work world to sit next to someone) moved to Australia.

so basically i went from roommate & cube mate. to living & sitting alone. all in one week. for an introvert this would be equatable to being surrounded by people and engaging with them all day. exhausting, right?

so its been an adjustment. and i have to be really intentional about conversations, because they just don't randomly happen anymore due to proximity. like in so many other areas of my life right now, intentionality is key. how long have i just sat around and waited for my life to happen and then got frustrated because nothing was. yup. makes total sense ;) yet i've lived that way for soo long.

so its not every day that i see people, or have really deep, meaningful conversations. but its almost sweeter when those do happen, because there has been almost a pregnant pause, a weight, a set-apartness to us being together. i feel like i've earned that time, internally. the fruit of this has been sweet. the waiting for it to spring up and grow, well, that's been a little more difficult, but good. and really, when you get to spend time with these great girls, the goodness is totally worth the wait.


crystal and i at mumford. the second time we've seen them. i have a few concert buddies, and crystal has been tried and true. some of my favorite concert memories have involved this girl.





amy and i decided to have a totally farmers market dinner. sweet potato fries (with the BEST dipping sauce ever), salad and wine. yeah. there's just something incredible about eating food that was picked the day before, and cooked with aprons on. aprons just make everything more fun, no?

i'll leave you with nothing really related to being an extrovert, or hanging out with people. but it might be the most beautiful bouquet of flowers ever. if i were a bouquet of flowers i'd be this one right here. all wild and free.

LIFE=good stories

preface: i'm a horrible, absolutely awful story teller. just ask my friends. this one time i told "the worst story ever" and i think the teasing has finally stopped, about a year later. i'll start a story and forget names, and places, and more details than were imaginable. and yet, i really, really love good stories. I generally try to live a good story, even if i can't recount the details later. ;)

i have friends who are telling good stories.

last week my friends graham, kyle, abby and chris (well, i don't really know chris, buuuut he runs with this crew, so he's probably stellar. hi chris, nice to meet you.) launched their company, LIFE=. they've been working on it for a good while now, but it officially launched with a what else, but a launch party. because you know its not official until there is a party.

i was excited about this party because i love these guys. and i love their product (for real, its awesome) and i love what they're about. "a better you creates a better world" so.so.true. BUT i get up every morning at 4:30. and work for 8 hours. and then go on a run. so by about 7:30, i'm beat. for sure not gearing up for a party. i knew i didn't have a whole lot of energy left to give people. as i walked in, i felt the strongest sense that i wasn't there to talk, to half tell stories i couldn't remember, but to listen. so that's what i did.

i heard stories about my friends who are living in a church in the middle of a part of town known as the murder factory named for just the culture of violence that is bred there. they're newly weds sharing ONE bathroom with 4 other couples and two single girls. They have a heart for the city. and the people who live there. They're developing relationships with their neighbors. loving up on the kids running the streets. praying for change, redemption, and seeing it happen. being a part of it happening. friends, i don't have an innate bent for the inner city, but after talking with them for 30 minutes, i was so filled with encouragement and excited for what they're doing! the lives they're living. the stories they're writing.

they left and i caught up with another friend, who has just gone through a really hard season. over the last year, he's seen his hopes, his dreams slip through his fingers like sand. now, he knows enough to know that "it was for the best" but its still painful. i was talking to him a few months ago, asking what was new and he shared a new adventure that might be happening. i asked him what it was. he didn't want to tell me, in case it didn't happen. and he was tired of telling people and everything falling through. i totally understood. but last week. i sat next to him and i got to hear dream after dream after dream being fulfilled in his life. more than he could have expected. it was beautiful. where he could have given up, resigned to always getting the short end, he pressed in. and he's doing the dang thing! His joy and peace are palpable. when everything felt stacked against him, he chose to believe a better story.

as i was walking out, an old friend was just coming in. Well, he's not an old friend, we haven't even known each other a year, but i feel like we've been friends forever. see, he started/help start the community i'm a part of. the community that has taught me about identity. and and mission. how to love well. and how to be loved well. he was there long before i was, and laid foundation that i don't think we'll ever know the full scope of. so over this year, he's talked about his heart getting pulled, between his job and his passions. His job that he didn't absolutely, completely love was draining him for the work that he felt really called to. it wasn't working. so he decided to switch it up. change departments. go part time. have more time to invest in the community he's a part of now. a community that knows that change happens through life on life relationships. sharing stories.

i really didn't know what to expect at this party. didn't know who was going to be there. or what it was going to be like. i thought i was going there to support my friends. cheer them on. remind them that the hard work, the hard year has been worth it. life was going to = me encouraging others. how tragic would that have been if that's all that i would have been present for.

i'm so glad i heard that still, small voice telling me to listen. i'm so glad i actually listened. amazing, really incredible things are happening all around us. in our lives, in our friends lives, in strangers lives. There are good stories being written over and over and over. there are stories being redeemed. beautiful stories coming out of the dust. are our lives telling those stories? better yet, are we listening to them?

what does LIFE= for you?

hope .

my life is a little scattered lately. and by a little, i really mean a whole heck of a lot. there isn't much that feels normal. or stable. or consistent. and the things that are, i'm clinging to them for dear life. like a wood plank in the middle of rapids. or what i assume rapids would feel like. this is what i was surrounded by saturday night.


in the midst of chaos, i'm clinging to hope.

i'm clinging to it with everything i've got right now.

on friday night a few friends and i went to vintage in lawrence for their good friday service. the pastor, seth, challenged us to think of a short phrase of what hope is to us. i lost the little sheet we were handed when we walked in, so i just started writing in my journal.

my hope:
that you don't abandon me. that you're right there leading me-that you've prepared a place for me. that i fit. that i belong. that in your suffering you've created a place for my heart to be me. fully me. quirky. alive. silly. emotional. intense. my hope is that you've gone before me. you know and have brought me to this. you knew what you were doing when you created me and i delight you

everyone who hadn't lost their papers in the 5 min we were supposed to hold onto them, then passed them to the ushers. after a few more songs, they wheel out a cross with everyone's papers tacked to a cross. seth talked about what the original good friday was like to the disciples. everything they had believed in, everything that they had trusted, and hoped in was on the cross. He asked us to think what it would have been like if we didn't know that sunday was coming. if what we had written down was dissolved right in front of us.

i looked back in my journal and fought back tears.

i absolutely can't imagine if i didn't have hope.

and that's the difference between then and now. is that i know the end of the story. i don't need to run and hide on friday because i know that my God is alive! and that my hope is secure in him.

i know all this sounds overly dramatic, and i'm well aware that not everything in my life is shifty. it just feels that way. i'm packing up a home that has been lovely for the last 14 months. putting things in boxes not really knowing where i'm going. closing one chapter, a little unsure of what the next one holds. its a little unsettling, to say the least. living in a half packed home, is just awkward. and annoying. so its really no surprise to me that this week, these verses have brought hope. and stability.

"be strong and courageous! don't be afraid for the lord your God will personally go ahead of you. he will neither fail, nor abandon you..." deut 31:6

"i've picked you. i haven't dropped you. don't panic. i'm with you. there is no need to fear, for i'm your God. i'll give you strength. i'll help you. i'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you" isa 41:9-10"

"and the peace i give is a gift the world cannot give. so don't be troubled or afraid." john 14:27

(exhale)

"so take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees..." heb 12:12

(inhale)

its sunday. and i'm excited! real excited! because i DO have hope. and Christ. and promises that i can believe. and and incredible friends, who are letting me live in guest rooms, and storing my stuff. friends who remind me who i am. what's true about me. what's true about Jesus.

i have no idea whats next.

"...yet i still dare to hope" lamentations 3:21

day of awesomeness

so i've got this confession. i really love The OC. like, really love it. i started watching it when i was in china (and actually judged the M's who got me hooked. the first episode we watched was the one where julie is sleeping with marissa's (her daughter) ex-boyfriend, luke. um. we were missionaries why were we watching this trash? ha.

it only took me about a week of being home to burn through the first 2 seasons.

now, i'm not saying it's a wholesome show. or that it has a good message. or anything like that. but i'm ALL about character development, and how characters change over the course of a book, movie, tv show. teen melodrama is full of characters developing. juvie to Berkley. fashionista to activist. see, all sorts of development.

Diane hadn't been enlightened to the wonder that is the oc when she first moved in with me and rachel. So we decided, lets take a saturday and spend it watching the oc. and the "day of awesomeness" was born. Diane came over at 9 with coffee and bagels. and we started watching. at about 2 we would take a break to go walk to the village for more coffee (pumpkin spice latte anyone?). At about 7 we'd pause and Rachel would make her famous homemade pizza. We'd generally quit at about 1am. 15 hours. of watching the oc.

yup. awesome.

we did this every now and then until we had watched all 4 seasons.

and then diane went to chicago and reconnected with a boy who was actually FROM the oc. she came back and i asked "how was it?" i had been praying the whole time that she would fall madly in love with him. She looks at me with this sly grin and says "well. at one point we were sitting on the sofa. and if he would have turned his head 30 degrees, i totally would have made out with him".

diane and jon got married on saturday. it was wonderful. i was that girl who wept through the whole ceremony. it couldn't have been more perfectly them. their lives and friends intersected and meshed beautifully. and i got to meet and become BFF's with people i had previously only heard stories about. steel spine jarret. trader joe's bill. betsy.

the ultimate day of awesomeness.

diane. i love you. i'm so happy you finally listened to all of us and married jon.

here .

i like to think a quiet blog equates to a really crazy real life, with no time to write about it... or maybe its just laziness. either way...my real life has been crazy lately. breathtakingly beautiful. but crazy busy. things are stirring, and i'm doing my best to see how it all is sorting out. weekend trips to the mountains always help with the sorting out of the stirring.

right now i'm sitting in a delightful (big) kitchen, drinking some french press, eating organic yogurt topped with home made (gluten free) granola. its a little gray and wet outside, finally. the last two days have been sunny and dry. bellingham pulled out all the stops to make me feel at home. but i'm loving the gray. and the rain. and the french press. especially the french press.

i don't have many words yet, about this place. about being here. i feel like i've been simultaneously trying to be present and soak it in, and also be little miss nancy drew, analyzing everything. how did this feel? what does that look like? do you like this? them? oh.my.stars. its exhausting. a friend called last night. and reminded me just how tiring it was, and challenged me to just be here. just laugh. and enjoy. to listen to stories, and tell them, and just be.

what a concept...

so i'm here. no solid words. and only one photo uploaded.



seattle and i. we look great together, don't ya think?

it always is

art=happy

the lord leads with unfailing love and faithfulness. psalm 25:10

it's been a long week. one of those weeks, where loving people doesn't overflow and abound (bitterness, anger, and hurt, that's abounding in plenty). love, actually, hasn't been my first response in any situation this week. yikes. and SUCK.

so i've had to force myself. and remind myself. over and over. and then some more. lead with love, anna. lead with love.

so, today's a new day. that i'm sure will be full of opportunities to be hurt, and frustrated, and tired, and angry. but i'm also pretty positive that those will actually be opportunities to let love seep in, to let it overflow.

for it to be the only answer.

generous

i have the best neighbor. his name is george. when it snowed for 3 days straight (ok, maybe just one) a few weeks ago, i came home to this. never fails. the snow has barely stopped falling and george is out shovelling our sidewalk and steps.

this morning at 5:15, i go out to scrape the layers of snow and ice of my car.* i open the door and who do i see? george. digging my car out and scraping it. at 5:15am!! because he knows that i leave at 5:30. are you kidding me?

generous, i tell you. extravagant, even. undeserved like grace, but oh so welcome.

i learned a lot about generosity this week. over and over. and then some more.

*it actually wasn't my car. it was the kautzi's car. which they loaned to me, in the middle of a snowstorm, with a sicky baby in tow. because my car is in the shop, getting detailed, for free. because i spilled chili all over it.

see what i mean about generous? over and over and over.

joy

amy and i laughing hysterically. which results in my mouth wide open and my eyes disappearing. i can't help it, and really, i actually love it.

photo by becca spears

every january i try to set a word, or intention for the year. generally it comes out of the blue and i just roll with it. last year i don't remember having a word, but i felt like it was going to be a hard, pruning year. note to self. if you set an intention of "pruning" don't be surprised if God does just that. :)

this year my word is joy.

i just decided that this year would be marked with JOY. the laugh so hard you cry, joy. the i can't believe how absolutely incredible God is, joy. the delight in the little things, joy.

sometimes joy comes easy. and sometimes it has to be fought for. sometimes i can see it coming from a mile away, and other times it comes in the least of expected places. and sometimes its just not there.

i was reading "Into the Wild" this morning and was reminded of this, of where joy comes from. i get a little nervous about being inspired by a book where the main character drops everything to wander into the alaskan woods, and then dies. lord knows i don't need any inspiration to drop everything and head west. but what alex wrote struck me.

"you are wrong if you think Joy emanates only or principally from human relationships. God has placed it all around us. it is in everything and anything we might experience. we just have to have the courage to turn against our habitual lifestyle and engage in unconventional living.

my point is that you do not need me or anyone else to bring this new kind of light into your life. it is simply waiting out there for you to grasp it, and all you have to do is reach for it. The only person you are fighting is yourself and your stubbornness to engage in new circumstances." -into the wild, jon krakauer

there are those times when joy is just hard. when i'm trying to search frantically for it and it takes everything i have not to cuss, (and usually end up cussing anyway), much less to find joy in anything. probably because i'm pretty consumed with myself in those moments. i think that's what alex is getting at in his letter to ron. That when we're wrapped up with ourselves, its no surprise that joy is hard to find. but when we open our eyes to people around us, when we choose to live life a little differently, when we chose to do the hard, unfamiliar things, joy surprisingly floods in.

its hard work. these new things. this unfamiliar life. holy, is it ever! but to me, its worth it. joy is worth it.

"... ride out to victory, defending truth, humility, and justice. go forth and perform awe-inspiring deeds! ... you love justice and hate evil. therefore God, your God, has anointed you, pouring out the oil of joy on you more than on anyone else." psalm 45:4&7

yup. that sounds about right.

jump

last night at church glen was speaking on believing God and told a story from our time in colorado. One night after dinner i was hanging with ben and emri (my favorite little person ever) and he stood her up on the stairwell banister, which was about 4 feet off the ground. At first he was holding onto her and her eyes were wide, and a little frightened. then he started to let go and back away. she started to whimper 'no', eyes wide, shaking, seemingly terrified. but then she locked eyes with her daddy, smiled huge and jumped into his open arms. pure delight. she squealed and protested "again". they did this a few more times.

photo of emri & ben : jewel anderson

i remember standing there when emri was in the midst of deciding if ben was really not going to let her fall. i looked at her with tears in my eyes and wanted to scoop her up, off the banister. and hold her safe. as if i knew better than her DAD. but i just stood there, watching the scene unfold.

There was something in that moment that struck me. i KNEW ben was going to catch her. ironically, once last year i was falling down some stairs and he caught me. so it wasn't that i didn't believe he would catch her. i think i was afraid that she wouldn't believe he'd catch her.

i wanted to save her from that fear.

i wanted to save me from that fear.

see, i don't do anything i'm not sure, absolutely positive, i'll succeed at. thankfully i'm randomly good at a fair number of things, so i can keep this game going for a while, everyone thinking i'm taking huge risks and trusting God.

but the reality is fear has crippled me. i've stood on the banister, eyes wide, shaking a little, whimpering "no".

where did i get the idea that my Daddy wasn't going to catch me? That if i jumped He'd turn his back, ready to catch everyone else, BUT me? friends, those are some pretty JACKED thoughts.

As with most things, it's a choice. A month ago i decided to choose to believe God. to take him at his word. to choose to believe that i am who he says i am, that he can do what he says he can do. that he's generous and a giver. that he gives good gifts. to me.

"the lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right. o lord of heaven's armies, what joy for those who trust in you."
psalm 84:11-12

all it took was em looking in her daddy's eyes and she knew he'd catch her. All we, shoot, all i, need to do is look into my Daddy's eyes and know that he's going to catch me.

all i need to do is jump.

remembering

i've always been that girl. the one with the crazy memory for pointless details. not only can i remember exactly when we met (3ish years ago), i'll also remember what you were wearing (that maroon sweater) and what we talked about in our first conversation (isaiah 30). believe me, this gets awkward when i remember things and bring them up later. in my head everyone remembers those details, apparently not. obviously this also makes me a GREAT teammate in any sort of trivia game.

but then there are things that i have a really hard time remembering. you know. the important things. like the conversation we had 30 minutes ago. what did you say again? or how faithful the lord has been. wait, wasn't it just yesterday i believed that promise? funny how our minds work like that.

so i'm trying to work on remembering. in the moment. to have the time span between situation-lies-truth decrease significantly. i want something to happen have my first response be truth. remembering promises and His faithfulness.

a few years ago kerri introduced me to the idea of stacking stones. It's found in Joshua 4.

We will use these stones to build a memorial. in the future your children will ask you, 'what do these stones mean?' then you will tell them, 'They remind us that the jordan river stopped flowing when the ark for the Lord's covenant went across' these stones will stand as a memorial among the people of israel forever. josh 4:6-7

their family has a bowl full of stones to remind them of the ways the lord has been faithful. Ker has even started blogging to help them (and us) remember how the Lord has been faithful.

as with most things, i'm following her lead. i don't want to forget what the Lord has done. i want to remember i want to go back and remind myself over and over and over again, if i have to.

so here we are. remembering.

for my birthday kerri had the beautiful idea for everyone to write something that i was on a stone. so i could keep them and remember. photo cred: my awesome roommate bethany

merry christmas from THE MAN*

Half our team is in kc, the other half in luxembourg. every year we take a christmas picture so they know who they're talking to. or who they're frustrated with. depends on the day. ;)





*my friends like to joke around that I work for the Man. anytime anyone asks what i do, i have two friends in particular (bless their hearts) who respond before i can, "she works for THE MAN." they think it's funny, i reply back and start dropping numbers, amounts they can't even begin to register. it's a clever little game we like to play.

hey normal day!

29 blackstreet

sometimes i search out some big grand thing. i create some incredible moment that will top all other moments. the BEST.EVER. if you will.

and those are great, and i really, really love them. but i also love the normal ones.

the plain white t-shirt and scarf days.

sometimes, those are my favorite.
always, they are sweet to the soul.

i'm excited about the normalcy of today!

31 days

i'd say i'm a pretty unique looking person. most everyone else says so too. not in a bad way (i don't think), just in the way that not very many people know very many six foot tall girls with long red hair. shoot, i don't know any other tall redheads. wait. i do know one! and she's beautiful.

Here's what happens with redheads. we're used to being the only ones. so when we see another, much less one with the exact same color hair, or height or whatnot, we stare. And then we (or maybe it's just me) strike up conversation. generally about our hair. or how beautiful they are. At least that's what I did to Jessie. I was sitting next to hear at The Big Table and said "hi jessie. I'm anna. I've noticed you at jacobs well before. just got excited about another tall redhead. your hair is beautiful". yep. welcome to awkward.

but its not awkward. its actually really awesome. because that's pretty much how susannah and i met. She came up to me one day after the gathering and immediately commented on my hair. see, suz and i have the same hair. well. the same color. her's is short and saucy. mine long and wild.

we also have the same crooked smile.

and only dress up as redheaded characters on halloween.

Annie and Ariel (you know. when she first got legs on the beach and Scuttle wraps her up in a sail? favorite costume to date!)

Mrs. Incredible and Hott Donna from That 70s Show

we also look incredible in the same colors, and tend to often dress alike.

AND, the probably the most exciting, we have the SAME BIRTHDAY! Now, this generally would be no big deal, i know lots of friends with the same birthday. But when your birthday is on New Years Eve, it's a big deal. Those without NYE birthdays will probably never understand our excitement for finding someone like us. Those with Valentines birthdays come about the closest.

New Years Eve might be the most awkward day of the year. its the day to take stock in what your year amounted too. successes, failures, washes. its also the day you start thinking about the next year, what adventure is to come, just around the corner. And then there are the parties, which are generally AWESOME and involve party dresses, confetti, dancing and noisemakers. but then there's midnight. which goes back to awkward. enough said about that. moral of the story: as incredible as the parties are, they are generally never about us. you know. the who were born?!?! overshadowed by the whole world celebrating new beginnings. travesty!

so its an awkward day in general. MUCH LESS having that as your birthday. Needless to say, it feels great to share that lament with someone. So we decided this year, forget birthdays. not even birthweek. we're going for a whole birthMONTH baby! 31 days of pure unadulterated celebration.


So, sus(anna)h, on the first day of december, happy birthMONTH to us!!

for amy .

dear friends. go here now.
i promise it will be worth it . a million times over .
i have lots i could say about her . and how much i love her .

but it would be raw .
and beautiful .
and full of inside jokes that no one would get .

so here are some words i didn't write . but they're grand . and perfect for today .

Thank you. Thank you, and keep going. Please keep writing songs. Please keep believing in music, because we do, and we need it, and specifically, we need yours. we need the sounds and words and rhythms of hope and longing and beauty. We need the drums and the strings and the haunting twist of your voice. we need the poetry of your lyrics and the spirit and force of your sounds. We're desperate for great music, and there's so much out there, but never enough. We're desperate for great storytellers, great painters, great dancers, great cooks, because art does something nothing else does. Art slips past our brains straight into our bellies. it weaves itself into our thoughts and feelings and the open spaces in our souls, and it allows us to live more and say more and feels more. great eart says the things we wished someone would say out loud, the things we wish we could say out loud.

- shauna niequist : cold tangerines

thank you . stormy one .

a little mumford for your monday

Mumford & Sons - The Banjolin Song / Awake my soul from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.

mumford&sons. in an alley. in paris. in french. be still my heart.

every monday should start like this.

the prettiest city in two states

Monday afternoon I drove my roommate to the airport so she could fly home for some #famthanx. We were deep in discussion, about something trivial I'm sure, as I drove right by the exit i was supposed to take. It wasn't a big deal, we'd just take the next exit, which happens to be the one I take to get to work. We took a quick jaunt through the northwest corner of downtown, me pointing out my office, Bethany asking what certain buildings were. We were stopped at the intersection of 12th and Broadway, the sun glinting sharply off the high rise windows of the financial district. Bethany squinted as she looked up and took a long pause, "I'm so glad to be right here right now. In downtown. Drinking roasterie coffee, in a roasterie mug. I'm excited to see my family, but I just really love kansas city".

I looked around at the buildings that I drive by every day, generally paying no notice to, and agreed.

Sometimes I lament that I work downtown. In a cube. For The Man. But then sometimes the sun rises just perfectly Serengeti like over the river and literally takes my breath away. Or the clouds spend a day pretending they're mountains, taunting me every time I get up from my desk. Sometimes, working downtown isn't actually that bad. Sometimes, I actually just really love it.

growing .

parker fitzgerald

i've been thinking about this alot lately. growing.

there are so many times i want to appear as arrived. fully grown. that i've got it all together. i want to look nice and presentable not a care in the world. why yes, i did bake that apple pie, from scratch, while wearing a cocktail dress and heels. this facade generally doesn't last very long. it quickly unravels, ending up a heap on the floor. all the while, i'm left scrambling trying to cover myself.

this revealing. being revealed. its hard stuff. owning the places that i'm broken is even harder. sharing my scars, letting the cool air on them, isn't easy, it's terrifying actually. But it's also deeply healing. my story, as crazy and random and inconsequential as i think it is, really matters. my pain and my broken places matter. not only for me, but for those who I share my life with. my story points to a bigger Story. my hope points to a greater Hope. my pain points to some really awesome Redemption. my playing dress up only points to me.

"There is nothing small or inconsequential about our stories. There is in fact nothing bigger. And when we tell the truth about our lives-the broken parts, the secret parts, the beautiful parts-the Gospel comes to life, an actual story about redemption, instead of abstraction and theory and things you learn in sunday school"

Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet

most days it's not so clear where i'm at, or even where i'm headed. what it doesn't require - a whole lot of dressing up. it does require growing.

yeah, it was about like that

source

Way to take one for the team 'lil bro!

And yes, our basketball season starts tonight as well. You can actually watch it on ESPN.

GO STATE!

diamond earrings

I'm wearing diamond earrings today. Which isn't necessarily worth noting. Except-I don't like diamonds. Hear that boys? I.don't.like.diamonds. But these earrings were a gift from a dear friend/old roommate natasha. What? Your roommates don't buy you diamond earrings?!?!?

See, I dated a guy for three and a half-ish years in high school/college. I'm sure by Christmas of my freshman year of college I was begging for an engagement ring. Let's be honest. I was probably asking for one well before that. We'd been dating for about 3 years at this point. I mean, totally a respectable time to start asking for such gifts.

I don't remember what I got that year.

And the next year was hard. As it sometimes gets. And we just started going through the motions of dating. And drifting apart. I do remember what I wanted for that Christmas, diamond earrings. I figured I wasn't getting a ring anyway, and if worst came to worst, at least I'd have a pair of diamond earrings.

We celebrated Christmas in combination with my birthday (such is the life of being born a week after Christmas) that year. And he handed me a little wrapped box. "yes! diamond earrings!!!" I thought as I started to unwrap it.

Not diamond earrings. A diamond ring. My heart sank. At this point I knew we probably wouldn't last long and how I felt when I saw the ring confirmed that. Before you label me as a complete jerk and worst.person.ever I did get over my initial feeling, smiled huge and slipped that puppy on my finger. For about 2 months, until we broke up.

I told this story to Natasha one day. And then forgot about it. Until one birthday/Christmas combo she hands me a little box. 5 years after the first little box. I opened it. Diamond earrings.

I don't wear them often. but when I do, the sparkle surprises me. The little glint reminds me that sometimes really good gifts take a little while. And that I do have the absolute BEST friends in the world!!!

don't give up

Don't Give Up! from Ben Welstead on Vimeo.

These are my friends. ben and renee. they're really stinkin awesome! and really freaking amazing photographers. and really bad ass wiffleball players. they also really, really, really love each other. and others too. they're becoming foster parents. to siblings. so that the siblings don't get separated. they also really love haiti. see, stinkin awesome!

i stumbled across this slide show a few weeks or so ago. confession. i watch it about once a day (at least). i'm not sure what exactly it is? probably the laughter and the joy. and the deep hope that comes with that. maybe the depth of renee's eyes? telling years of stories in just one frame. and the tears. ohmystars, the tears. the tears of years of life lived together. i can't even imagine what that's like but my throat tightens every time.

i don't know a whole lot about marriage. but i love this three and a half minute snapshot of it. the beauty. the realness. that only comes from dancing in the minefields and sailing in the storm...

(photo cred: the parsons)