Thursday, March 29, 2007

short of breath

Feel I'm on the verge of some great truth
Were I'm finally in my place
But I'm fumbling still for proof
And it's cluttering my space
Casting shadows on my face
I know I have a strength to move ahead
I can hardly leave my room
So I'll sit perfectly still
And I'll listen for a tune
When the mind is on the moon

i woke up this morning craving space. physically. emotionally. spiritually. wanting space to just be and chill and breathe. to breathe deeply...which is something i'm not doing so well lately...actually i don't think i've ever known how to do this. i feel like i need to be breathing, but it's just not happening.

i think that there is a lot for me right now that's underwater. And He's trying to get me to take a deep breath before i go under. did he miss the part that i'm not so good at that? i feel like i'm sitting here trying to get all the air out of my lungs before i go under. i know, it doesn't make sense to me either. He so bad wants me to breathe and i'm just not.

And if I stumble
And if I stall
And if I slip now
And if I should fall
And if I cant be all that I could be
Will you, will you wait for me

so i last about two seconds and have to come back up gasping for air. and it's the same story over and over. i wonder how long He'll watch me bob up and down. i wonder how long he'll have to wait before i finally figure it out...