(sigh)

Somewhere we know that without silence, words lose their meaning,
that without listening, speaking no longer heals,
that without distance, closeness cannot cure.
- Henri Nouwen

spatially challenged

The other night a friend made a comment that guys are more spatially adept than girls. Like in memory (I'm assuming the game) and puzzles and directions and maps and stuff. I guess remembering where things are and how they are arranged? I couldn't argue with him. He's super intelligent and the first thing I thought of is how often I run into completely stationary things. Things that NEVER move. Like door frames and tables and bathroom sinks. I had just run into a door frame earlier that day. I literally turned around and ran straight into it with my shoulder.

I didn't think about this too much after that conversation until this morning. When I cut a corner too close in the parking garage and totally scraped the side of my car with a cement pillar-before 6am-on a holiday when no one else has to be at work. Awesome. Really anna? The same pillars you've driven around twice a day for the last 4 years? Those ones that never move? Yup. Needless to say I don't have a drivers side door handle. And a beautiful dent and scrape down the entire length of my really cute, sporty, absolutely perfect tribute. :O(

About that women being less spatially adept, yeah, I don't want to talk about it.

out of the overflow of the heart

So I sent a friend an email when I got to work this morning (having emails waiting for me when I get to work at 6 am are the best!) . It wasn't super long but I seriously used the word beautiful 6 times! It was the only word that could even come close to describing the 3 things I was trying to tell her about (yes, 6 beautifuls for 3 things. I know, right?!). And yet it is a cheap substitute for what I was really trying to say. I don't even think they make words that full...

maybe I'll even take up yoga?

When I came home last night my roommate was doing yoga. I walked in and said "I just CAN'T do non-vigorous* exercise". I had just come from the gym. Where I was doing 400m sprints-at 6:58 min miles-for 3 miles. Go big or go home is how I generally operate. And not just in my workouts, its kinda how I live life...

Take the last 24 hours for instance. I was going to Boise (to visit), then not going to Boise, then going to Korea (again to visit), then getting a second job, then not going to Korea, then not getting the second job. Basically I'm back at square one. quick trip huh?

And I wonder why I'm exhausted and have issues sleeping. ha. I tend to get super excited about new things and take off! There are some things that I'm SO confirmed in that they don't need days of thought but then there are the times when I should step back and think. For more than 3 seconds.

Enthusiasm without knowledge is no good; haste makes mistakes. Proverbs 19:2

After talking with a friend last night I realized that this super easily excited way of life tends to leave me over committed and on the path to burning out. Surprise, surprise Anna CAN'T do it all! ha. So we're trying something different. Slowing down. Simplicity. Space. Peace. Wisdom. I'll let you know how that goes.

I don't anticipate giving up my speedwork or 7 mile runs any time soon, but maybe real life doesn't need to move that fast...

*I know yoga is a legit (and difficult) workout. I just have never done it, in favor of running my brains out. I mean if you can breathe easy and aren't about to die its not a legit workout right? haha

wo zhi ai ni you are my superstar...part one

summer '04. 5 years ago (give or take a few weeks) I came back from a summer spent in China. A summer that completely changed my life. A summer where I survived on oatmeal, cold cucumbers, white rice, crackers and sprite. A summer where birthdays were celebrated at KFC and Pizza Hut. Where massive amounts of fruit was consumed. Where it rained almost every stinkin day. Where our first official meal consisted of pig instenstine, spicy tofu, and some other horrible, albiet expensive food. Where lychee reigned surpreme, and "stellar hands" were won. Where truth was shared and tears were cried. Where hopes were born, and shattered. where Christ met us and overwhelmed each of us with HIS dreams for that place. 

summer '09. all but 3 of us are meeting up tomorrow for lunch at happy valley. I just finished looking through my old pictures and flipping through my journals. I cannot WAIT to catch up with my team and catch up and tell stories and inside jokes and laugh until we can't breathe. oh man. it's going to be awesome. 

the girls at ka la okee

josh becoming one with the chair

I think desi's face explains SO much about this picture. ohhh mizzike (you better believe he was like "let me take a picture with all the ladies")

so the kstate team dressed all crazy for our last dinner in wh. the ohio team didn't quite get that memo...
we might have gotten a few looks when the guys strolled through the hotel lobby dressed as brody and a chinese soccer player. never a dull moment!!!

some things never change

I randomly picked up my journal from a few summers ago and have been reading through it. its been interesting to see how the same things I struggled believing then, I'm only just now getting a handle on. 2 years later. fantastic. 

I laughed SO hard when i came across this, in the middle of a really deep entry from 7/22, ironically... 

"we were walking up the stairs and ____ was coming down them. And in true ____ fashion- he just looked amazing"*

I'm sure if I sill had my journals from when I was 13 (yes I've kept one since I was 12) there would be a similar entry. And one from when I was 16, 20 and last week. awesome. 

*maintaining at least a shred of my dignity with the omission of his name. ha ha. 

filled/emptied

I used to HATE to be alone. I don't know what it was a fear of, but man, I could only last about 2 hours before I just needed to be near someone (multiple roommates can attest to this-ha). Over the last few years I've been drawn into periods (oh about one night a week) of just wanting to be totally alone, reading, writing, pretty much whatever as long as it involved no one else. Over the last three weeks, that one night a week has turned into at least 4 hours a day. seriously. Its absolutely beautiful! Whats been neat about it is that its been super balanced. Like my alone time has filled me and fueled me in such a way that I'm LOVING the time I get to spend with my friends. That time has been incredible because I think for the first time I'm fully aware of who I am and what I was created for. Living and encouraging and loving (and BEING loved) out of that place is beyond beautiful. sigh. dang.

I look forward to the weekends because that just means MORE hours that I can spend reading/journaling. I've got a wedding tonight (which I'm BEYOND thrilled about) and I was thinking that I'd just hang out all day saturday. Its supposed to be beautiful. And then I remembered that I said I would help out with some family counseling stuff at a horse ranch. all. day. saturday. UGH. everything in me wants to back out. To become busy (which I would be. reading) and just peace out on my commitment. I mean, I love these kids, but that's my whole saturday. When will I get to read then????

The new hillsong united has been on repeat in my ipod for the last three weeks. As I was lamenting this morning on how much I wanted anna time and how fruitful it has been and bummed about what I was going to miss out on by being busy on saturday, the last line The Desert Song hit me.

I know I'm filled to be emptied again, the seed I've received I will sow

alright. I get it.