Friday, October 31, 2008

stillness? waiting? really?!?!

So i've got this reoccurring image that i don't know where i first saw it, but it comes around every now and then-mainly when i'm trying to make a decision or sort out what's going on around me. I'm in a circular room made out of mirrors. every single surface is reflective (maybe i got this image from a movie, the labyrinth maybe??). there is one door in that room, but you can't tell its a door, it just looks like a mirror. so i furiously go around the room trying to find the door out at some point the room feels like it's spinning so i loose track of which door/mirrors i've tried and which ones i haven't.

when people have asked me how i've been recently this is the first thing that comes to mind. trying to find my way out of the mirrored room. thinking things are doors when they aren't and just getting exhausted and frustrated. i was telling some friends this a couple weeks ago and they both just spoke stillness into me. not the answer i wanted to hear. i wanted to hear, you're almost there. go for it. instead i got wait. sit in the center of that room of mirrors and wait for Him to open the door.

easier and SO much harder all at the same time. so i'm waiting. sigh.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

me...right now

a new post. i know right?! that's just how life has been lately. i can't even begin to discourse the last 5 months. they're pretty much all over the place, and involve moving twice during that time. i actually packed my stuff up 3 times, but that's another story for another day. part of me wishes i could say that my life was starting to calm down for a bit, but then the other part of me is really excited about what *could* be coming. nothing super big, believe me (i am NOT moving-ha ha), just some small things that will hopefully pay some huge dividends in the form of more time and less stress.

anyway. i was thinking about me and trying to label what i've been feeling for i don't know how long and the best i could come up with is "wait" by alexi murdoch. i LOVE alexi murdoch and this song is definitely in my top 10 songs...

Feel I'm on the verge of some greath thruth
Were I'm finally in my place
But I'm thumbling still for proof
And it's cluttering my space
Casting shadows on my face
I know I have a strength to move a hill
I can hardly leave my room
So I'll sit perfecty still
And I'll listen for a tune
When the mind is on the moon

And if I stumble
And if I stall
And if I slit now
And if I should fall
And if I cant be all that I could be
Will you, will you wait for me

Cause everywhere I seem to be
I am only passing through
I dream these days about the sea
Always wake up feeling blue
Wishing I could dream of you

So if I stumble
And if I fall
And if I slit now
And loose it all
And if I can't be all that I could be
Will you, will you wait for me

yeah. waiting. definitely my strong suit. ha ha. stay tuned. :)