Friday, May 28, 2010

If I see three oranges, I have to juggle

"Why do we always want answers to the impossible questions. Why do you love her? Any answer to such a question is usually ridiculous. Because she is beautiful? Because she is intelligent? Because she has a funny pimple on her nose? Nothing makes much sense. Why did you become a priest? Because you love God? Because you like to preach? Because you don't like women? Why did you become a monk? Because you like to pray? Because you like silence? Because you like to bake bread without being bothered? There are no answers to these questions.

When they asked Philippe Petit why he wanted to walk on a slender wire strung between the two tallest towers in NYC, everyone thought he did it for money, for publicity, for fame. but he said, 'If I see three oranges, I have to juggle. And if I see two towers, I have to walk.'

We don't believe the most meaningful answer.

His is the true answer. Why do you love her? When I saw her I loved her. Why are you a priest? Because I must be a priest. Why do you pray? Because when i see God, I must pray. There is an inner must, an inner urge, or inner call that answers all those questions which are beyond explanation. Never does anyone who asks a monk why he became a monk receive a satisfying answer. Nor do children give us an explanation when we ask them why do you play ball?' They know that there is no answer except, 'When I see a ball, I have to play with it.'" The Genesee Diary, Nouwen

I often feel the urge to explain, re-explain and over-explain everything. I MUST be fully understood. There can be no chance for miscommunication. But, I have to wonder, how much that striving to tie things up in a nice (albeit generally messy) package actually looses authenticity. We don't need reasons. We don't need nice, tidy packages. We need those unexplainable, beautiful, meaningful answers!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010


I grew up in some REALLY sunny, REALLY hot places. Hawaii, Arizona, North Carolina, and Louisiana (I lived in really cold Germany for a few years, but I was too young to remember it. And I'm sure there are pictures of me in cable knit tights and lederhosen floating around somewhere). Needless to say, I liked the sun, and the warmth. It was, for the most part, all I knew.

Then I moved to Kansas. Where I discovered fall and winter. Leaves and snow and rain and gray days. I was so over the sun. All I wanted to do was listen to the rain, run in it, curl up inside with a book, PERFECT. Then my fam moved to Seattle. jackpot for a rainy day lover like myself! All those things. All the time. Well, at least for the 2 week stints I'd visit them in.

This spring has been abnormally gray and chilly and rainy. And while I love, love, love those days-over the last week its started to wear on me. I just want to be outside. In the sun. Without a cardigan on.

Today its 75 degrees. and sunny. going on a run and then laying out at loose park.

Monday, May 10, 2010

so be patient and kind.
not jealous.
or boastful or proud or rude.
don't demand until you get what you want.
don't be irritable.
forget wrongs.
fight injustice.
rejoice always.
don't give up.
keep your faith.
be hopeful.
keep running.
be love.

Friday, May 07, 2010

hazel sister

She graduates today!!!!

She's been done with school since December and working for a while, but decided to walk in the spring. Donna was coming in yesterday, so late Wednesday night we decided it was time to clean our house.

No house cleaning is complete without a little "Party in the USA" and "Paper Planes", I mean, we do it right on Lydia. I was cleaning the kitchen as Bethany walked by, I caught a quick glance of her.

me: "you look older"
bethany: (stops and smiles) "like more mature? grown up?"
me: "yes. its your eyes"

She smiles, and walks back to the bathroom to resume the oh so glamourous task of toilet scrubbing. Not 30 seconds later she screams. The sound one would make if say a very large rat ran across their foot. I freak out and yell to make sure she's ok. Her response is a squeal and comes running around the corner to tell me a story.

For the next few minutes both of us are screaming, giggling and jumping up and down in our kitchen.

more mature? grown up? Yes, its your heart.

LOVE you girl! Proud of you!!!!