It's been 2 years and one week since i have been back from china. I was talking to a friend on sunday and i realized that i had missed my two year statestide anniversary. it seemed appropriate though, being that for the first time really since then, china doesn't define me. Oh, believe me, i have more china stories to tell then time to tell them, and still really love my zhong guo peng yous, but that's just not where God has me right now. For the first time i'm not looking to where i'm headed next. I'm here. I'm home. And it feels awesome.
Put down and cultivate roots. There is no fruit without roots. Roots give us strength. They bring stability when the wind blows. Roots mean we belong. A rootless person is a person who floats through life, never having stayed long enough or committed deep enough to really give himself or herself to a place or a people. Roots give us depth. In times of drought people with roots will survive, even thrive, while others dry up. There are seasons in everyone’s life of dryness. But a person with deep roots draws from the water that flows far beneath the surface. There are different kinds of roots: emotional roots, relational roots, cultural roots, and spiritual roots. Love the place God puts you. Love the people God joins you with. Invest your life in a small community of people where you are known, held accountable, and are loved.-Floyd McClung
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Monday, September 24, 2007
i was a running
it makes me laugh that i get up earlier on saturday mornings to run than i do during the week to go to work. But there is just something about the stillness of 5am on a saturday morning. If i could get my whole run in while it was still dark, turning the corner to my house, running into the sunrise, that would be perfect, but alas, that would be a 4am start time-and it's not quite that worth it.
i love how my mind wanders during these runs. usually when i start out, i can clearly see orion on my left and i wonder how in the heck people used to navigte by the stars. or how you can definately tell the yards that don't clean up after their dogs. it's like all my senses are heightened. except of course my sight. a wire stuck in my foot and biting it bad on some shoddy sidewalk repairs would testify that i don't pay attention to what's right in front of me.
anyway. i digress. a couple of weeks ago some friends (who are also training for the half marathon) and i were talking about how fast their paces were compaired to my not as fast pace. one of them made a comment to the effect of in sports and stuff...when it gets hard, guys push harder, and girls give up. we bantered around for a bit discussing the valdity of that statement (case in point of that being totally false, anna chambers!) and it just struck me how easily i give up when stuff gets hard. like the uphill mile stretch between 95th-87th on lamar. on saturday i was determined to make it up the whole thing without giving up when it got hard. knowing how easily i talk myself into just walking from here to the next driveway, i literally had to tell myself that "not today. we're not going to give up today".
whats true in the way that i run, has been soo true in my life recently, especially with friendships. When things get hard, it is SO much easier for me to just walk away. to give up. to not fight. because it's ok, and i'm ok, and i'll survive without them, so lets just deal with it and move on. and it sucks for a little bit, but then i'm ok and on to the next thing/person/whatever.
i talked to one of my best friends last night after not having a legit conversation in over a month. we've both been SUPER busy and just not able to connect. in my head i had rationalized that our friendship had just evolved to the "hey how's it going? good. good. see ya later" and was ok with that. But just in filling her in on my life and being challenged by her and honestly just being in her presence was soo refreshing to my spirit. I had forgotten how well she knew me and my heart. how i didn't have to explain why i am the way i am, she just knew.
i had almost given up. but this time i couldn't walk away. i couldn't just deal with it. my spirit knew what i needed and it ran toward that.
i love how my mind wanders during these runs. usually when i start out, i can clearly see orion on my left and i wonder how in the heck people used to navigte by the stars. or how you can definately tell the yards that don't clean up after their dogs. it's like all my senses are heightened. except of course my sight. a wire stuck in my foot and biting it bad on some shoddy sidewalk repairs would testify that i don't pay attention to what's right in front of me.
anyway. i digress. a couple of weeks ago some friends (who are also training for the half marathon) and i were talking about how fast their paces were compaired to my not as fast pace. one of them made a comment to the effect of in sports and stuff...when it gets hard, guys push harder, and girls give up. we bantered around for a bit discussing the valdity of that statement (case in point of that being totally false, anna chambers!) and it just struck me how easily i give up when stuff gets hard. like the uphill mile stretch between 95th-87th on lamar. on saturday i was determined to make it up the whole thing without giving up when it got hard. knowing how easily i talk myself into just walking from here to the next driveway, i literally had to tell myself that "not today. we're not going to give up today".
whats true in the way that i run, has been soo true in my life recently, especially with friendships. When things get hard, it is SO much easier for me to just walk away. to give up. to not fight. because it's ok, and i'm ok, and i'll survive without them, so lets just deal with it and move on. and it sucks for a little bit, but then i'm ok and on to the next thing/person/whatever.
i talked to one of my best friends last night after not having a legit conversation in over a month. we've both been SUPER busy and just not able to connect. in my head i had rationalized that our friendship had just evolved to the "hey how's it going? good. good. see ya later" and was ok with that. But just in filling her in on my life and being challenged by her and honestly just being in her presence was soo refreshing to my spirit. I had forgotten how well she knew me and my heart. how i didn't have to explain why i am the way i am, she just knew.
i had almost given up. but this time i couldn't walk away. i couldn't just deal with it. my spirit knew what i needed and it ran toward that.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
beautiful chaos
holding my breath. at the sound of your voice my heart beats faster. beautiful chaos. The world spinning but my gaze fixed upon you.
stillness.
reaching out-taking my hand steadying me. drawing me in close-righting my world. Your embrace answers all the questions, quiets all the fears.
i breathe again. drawing in a sweet breath. You exhale. speak. giving life-inhale.
the smell of you etched in my mind. The words you speak etched on my heart. i draw in close to hold onto this moment. to not forget anything-the smells-the sounds-the feeling.
you sense my fear and remind me "do not be afraid-I will never leave you"
stillness.
reaching out-taking my hand steadying me. drawing me in close-righting my world. Your embrace answers all the questions, quiets all the fears.
i breathe again. drawing in a sweet breath. You exhale. speak. giving life-inhale.
the smell of you etched in my mind. The words you speak etched on my heart. i draw in close to hold onto this moment. to not forget anything-the smells-the sounds-the feeling.
you sense my fear and remind me "do not be afraid-I will never leave you"
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