story of my life

So at my job I deal with significantly large sums of money daily. Making sure everything ties out, double and triple checking numbers, massive amounts of emailing all to make sure that Luxembourg, India and Kansas City are all on the same page with the same numbers. No sweat right?

We're having a food day tomorrow and decided to order out chipotle. And I got nominated to set everything up. No big. Got everyone signed up, called chipotle and asked when we needed to have our order faxed in for friday they said "thursday by 10". Ok. 24 hours. I've never worked food service before, I have no idea about things like this. this morning I fax over the order and call to confirm that they received it. I call at 10:00 to confirm my order. They got it and said that they couldn't do it by 10:45 but could have it ready by 11. I was confused because they said that there was a line in front of my order (clue #1 are people in kc really that organized that there is a line of chipotle orders 24 hours in advance??). But he assures he'll have it ready by 11. (mistake #1, actually #2 but we'll get there, I didn't make sure he knew it was tomorrow. I had confirmed this 3 times in previous calls, but not the last one).

So I start totalling up the money and dividing it (because that's what i do. play with numbers all day. it's kind of a sickness, I'll admit that). Get that all figured out and go downstairs to get lunch. it's about 11:15. My phone rings.

chipotle "hi someone from there placed an order"
me "yes, i did"
chipotle "its ready for pickup"
me "it was for tomorrow" SUCK!
chipotle "well. you faxed it today"

And thus ensued the confusion over what date was on the fax (mistake #1) and although i called to confirm 3 times, I'm sure I talked to three different people and the message didn't get relayed. End result being, they were "going to have to throw away A LOT of food. this is a HUGE order to throw away".

dang. my bad. We didn't need the food today. We need it tomorrow. And we're still ordering it tomorrow. We might switch chipotle's though and just go to the one in P&L.

i love how i deal with millions upon millions of dollars a day, but when it comes to placing $124 worth of chipotle, i screw that up royally. awesome.

giddy!

If I say, "My foot is slipping," Your loyal love, O Lord, supports me. When worries threaten to overwhelm me, Your soothing touch makes me HAPPY." psalm 94:18-19 new english translation
I read this verse today and every single time I've looked at it I've noticed another favorite part. SO much goodness in 2 small verses. man. HIS loyal love supports me. Its HIS soothing touch that makes me giddy. See i have had this transference problem. i view God in human standards. I base my perception of Him dependent on how others treat me. Its like i have no frame of reference for certain qualities of God because i haven't had positive examples of that in my life. But after reading this verse (which i found on Beth Moore's blog, btw) it totally shifted everything for me. I know its elementary and everyone else probably had this figured out back in middle school, but this just hit home as God loving me through my friends. OF COURSE she would say that, because that's the truth that God wants to speak into my life. OF COURSE he would do that because God wants to heal and redeem me. People love me because God loves me. yup. giddy 16 year old girl-right here! :O) 

home

I've spent my whole life moving. welcome to the world of an army brat! Even when I came back from overseas, I thought I'd stay in one place, and I've lived in 5 different houses in KC in about 3 1/2 years. so I've gotten really used to introductions, and pretty much have a script down for the first couple of weeks of getting to know someone. It's about when we hit year 2 and 3 that it gets a little difficult for me. I've just never had friends for that long, so I don't know what to do when i really become known. Well, actually i just run. Switch it up. Make new friends. rinse and repeat.

I hit that point in November. There really wasn't any one thing that pushed me over the edge, I just did what I always did, what was natural, and pulled myself out of community in search of something new. I figured I'd make new friends, dive into new community and it'd be awesome! I knew it wouldn't come immediately so I gave it some time but something didn't feel right. Friends would ask me how I was doing and I'd respond "fine" but quickly tagged on to that was "it just doesn't feel like home". searching for home.

There's this funny thing about searching for home. You really don't search. You fall into it. Yes, building community takes work, but there is a difference in working at it and trying to force it.

A couple of weeks ago (Easter) I went back (was drawn back, whatever verbage you want to put to it) to my old community. I needed to be around people who knew me, who knew my heart and could speak into it. I was afraid it would be awkward. As I was walking in I literally had the thought "will I know anyone? who will I talk to?" wow. lies from the pit. Here was a community I had poured my heart into for 2 years and I was worried about having people to talk to. It was an incredible night of worship. The worship leader (and my really good friend) opened up the night for continued worship and prayer. He was walking the aisle praying. So I went to walk toward him to have him pray for me. I was still about 15 yards away from him when he saw me. I doubt if I'll ever forget what happened next. A HUGE smile came over his face and he threw his arms open and his head back and laughed, as if to say "of course its you".

In that moment I think I got a glimpse of what the prodigal son felt when he returned. Granted I wasn't out squandering my money and partying it up, but I was away from home. And a spiritual "father" (more like an older brother, but you get the idea) was beside himself to see me. He wasn't angry or hurt or disappointed that I left, there was only love in his eyes and pure joy and excitement that I was back.

I can't even really describe what it feels like to be back in a place where I'm known and where I know people. It's been incredibly reflective and beautiful. I've lived life with these people and have seen them grow into their passions (kb), experience God's faithfulness over and over (jess), be healed emotionally and physically (suze), see dreams come to fruition (waaay to many to list). I know their stories. I knew them when. They know my stories. They knew me when. They know me now.

sigh. dang. Its SO good to be home!