filled/emptied

I used to HATE to be alone. I don't know what it was a fear of, but man, I could only last about 2 hours before I just needed to be near someone (multiple roommates can attest to this-ha). Over the last few years I've been drawn into periods (oh about one night a week) of just wanting to be totally alone, reading, writing, pretty much whatever as long as it involved no one else. Over the last three weeks, that one night a week has turned into at least 4 hours a day. seriously. Its absolutely beautiful! Whats been neat about it is that its been super balanced. Like my alone time has filled me and fueled me in such a way that I'm LOVING the time I get to spend with my friends. That time has been incredible because I think for the first time I'm fully aware of who I am and what I was created for. Living and encouraging and loving (and BEING loved) out of that place is beyond beautiful. sigh. dang.

I look forward to the weekends because that just means MORE hours that I can spend reading/journaling. I've got a wedding tonight (which I'm BEYOND thrilled about) and I was thinking that I'd just hang out all day saturday. Its supposed to be beautiful. And then I remembered that I said I would help out with some family counseling stuff at a horse ranch. all. day. saturday. UGH. everything in me wants to back out. To become busy (which I would be. reading) and just peace out on my commitment. I mean, I love these kids, but that's my whole saturday. When will I get to read then????

The new hillsong united has been on repeat in my ipod for the last three weeks. As I was lamenting this morning on how much I wanted anna time and how fruitful it has been and bummed about what I was going to miss out on by being busy on saturday, the last line The Desert Song hit me.

I know I'm filled to be emptied again, the seed I've received I will sow

alright. I get it.