i finished the race. I say that only because that is the first question everyone asks me. "did you finish?" in my mind it sounds rediculous but knowing what was going on with my muscles last week, maybe it's not so absurd. When i was talking to a friend last sunday faced with the very real possiblity that i wouldn't be well enough to actually race i made the observation that it might not be about 13.1 miles one october afternoon. Maybe it was about the three months of training leading up to it, maybe it was about coming so close and not running it. I just wanted to be open to what ever purpose God had in it. I forgot that i had even said that until this moment. or maybe it was about the last 3 miles.
"So jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. when the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the soket of Jacob's hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. Then the man said "Let me go, for it is daybreak." But Jacob replied, "i will not let you go unless you bless me" Genesis 32:24-26
Last week i had a dream and part of it i was fighting with a older man (i thought it was someone's dad). i don't remember much but that it was like hand to hand and i was defending myself. if i didn't fight him, he was going to kill me. I had this dream two nights in a row. After the second night, i emailed my friend (who i always email my crazy dreams to) and she just responded how it reminded her of the story of Jacob wresting with God. interesting.
So saturday i'm cruising along. the weather could not be better. i made a new friend at the start, anne who was amazing! She even waited for me while i had to stop and pee at mile 3. Anyway no problems through mile 4. At the second drink stop i grapped gatoraide and the cup was so full i managed to spill it all over myself. red gatoraide. all over my face, my shirt and my leg. nice. Then i was having problems breathing (stupid activity induced asthma) so i told ann to go ahead and i'd catch up with her later (i never did). The course was beautiful and after the first two hills, relatively flat or downhill. At mile 8 i ate/gagged on my gu. nasty, but it helped keep my energy up. I had put a lot of random songs on my ipod and they seemed to fit perfectly along with my run. like i felt like i was in a movie that had been masterfully sountracked.
mile 10. i had never run further than 10 miles during traning. i was kind of dreading this point. you know. make it or break it time. so i cross the mile 10 marker, look down at my watch and i'm only 2 min off my pace (stupid potty break-never drinking that much before a race again). came to my rescue is on my ipod and at that moment it breaks into "my life be lifted high, my world be lifted high, my love be lifted high". it was such a beautiful moment. my eyes filled up with tears. i ran worshipping Him. Then i stepped and sharp pain shot through my right leg. left. right. pain. so i slowed to a walk. still pain. right on my hip socket.
i put pressure where it hurt and started to run again. Pleading with God to stop the pain. wondering if you needed someone else to lay hands on me for the spirit to heal me or if just my hands and prayers worked. i tried it anyway. swearing if i saw anyone i knew i'd stop and have them pray for me. the pain subsided a little. i continued to run. Then the pain came back. i walked a little more. At this point frustrated with the whole situation i started to get angry. Then i remember what susannah said about Jacob. it was his right hip. i put pressure back on the socket and started to run again. trying to remember the story. Why had God hurt his hip? what was the purpose? eyes welling up again. Ok God, what are you getting at?
The pain came and went for the last 3 miles. sometimes i was able to run for a good 4 min before having to walk. Then there were times where every step i took made me wince, clench my teeth and groan. suck. I managed to run out the last bit and finished in 2:16. i wish it could have been faster, but considering that i'm still limping 2:16 is probs a dang good time.
Jacob's hip was touched and dislocated so that he limped for the rest of his life. every step he took reminded him of the blessing that God had given him. he was never to forget.
i think i've figured out what i'm not supposed to forget...