insert creative title here

so i wish this post had pictures, because it would make it that much more awesome. but alas, i'm at work, so words will just have to do. And numbers. because lets be honest, by the time i scan my id badge for the 5th time since i entered the parking garage (1.to get into the garage, 2.to get out of the garage stairwell and into tower 1...yes it's called tower one, i work in tower 2. i know weird. 3.to get onto the elevator 4.to get onto my floor after getting off the elevator and 5.we have these card readers at our desks that we insert the card into to sign on to the computers) my brain is geared up for lots and lots of numbers all day. wow. that was a long tangent...

1. one of my roommates leaves today on a relaxing trip with her parents. she's gone for 7 days. 7 whole days. not quite sure how THATS going to work. when you talk to someone for like 2-3 hours a day, and then they're gone for a week...that's a little bit of an adjustment. just sayin.

2. one of my dear friends is getting married tonight. SuPeR excited for her. their story is beautiful!

3. 13 days until my birthday. the big 2-7. im excited!

4. i'm LOVING the song Christmas by Leona Naess. dang. it's good!!!

5. i opened my car door on my forehead today. i'm not sure exactly how this happened, but it's actually happened twice in the last 2 years. needless to say i have a HUGE gouge on my forehead (yup. it was a little disconcerting seeing blood trickle down my forehead when i moved my hair out of the way) and i'm waiting for it to swell up.

so this whole list thing sounded more impressive in my head than it looks written out. we'll blame the blunt force trauma that inflicted on myself this morning. yeah. that's it. are we sure that i need to be managing billions of dollars today? eh. no big deal. :oP

grow old with me

So i have this fascination with growing old. i don't know where it came from or why exactly. i get REALLY excited when it's almost my birthday (26 days baby!) because i get a year older. :) i'm sure at some point (probably around 29 ha ha) i'll get over this, but right now i kind of can't wait until i'm 60! granted i have this idea that i'll be a regal/quirky diane keaton type when i'm 60, not the crazy cat lady, ya know?

this morning-and every day this week, lets be honest-i went into einstein bro's for my daily blueberry bagel/honey almond schmear addiction (which i need to get over-like yesterday!) and there was a group of about 7 elderly folks sitting around one of their big tables drinking their coffee and eating their bagels. I SO want that. to be retired and sitting around the table with 6 of your closest friends who you've known at least 20 years. friends who've LIVED life with you through marriages, births, deaths, seasons. incredible. it's not about the coffee or the bagels (which i love) but more about knowing and being known deeply as you only can over the course of YEARS.

my longest "lived in the same city, still talk and hang out pretty regularly" friendship just passed the two year mark. yup. it's a learning curve, but hey you have to start somewhere...


i can't wait!

consumed

You know when you hear something and it just strikes you and that's all you can think about. Or when you see something and that image is BURNED in your mind and although you don't think about it all the time, occasionally it comes back up and it's all you can see.

my mind is consumed. my heart is burning. its the same story that's been in the back of my mind since that one night at starbucks in thailand-almost 4 years ago. and i have little more vision now than i did then. all i know is that i was enjoying my frappuccino on the 3rd story patio balcony of the starbucks on the beach-she was standing on the street below-turning tricks. never mind the "couple" at the table to our left. he was late 40s early 50s, she was maybe 17.

i wonder what their names are? are they still working? are they still alive? how old were they then? 14? 17? which is actually relatively old considering...


needless to say, i'm having a hard time focusing on work today-and i really want to see this movie!

http://www.callandresponse.com/

is this really my life?!?

so maybe waiting isn't so bad. you know? I'm starting to miss it actually. ha ha. i found out last week that i got a new position at my company that I've wanted (and prayed for, and had friends pray for) for over a year! it was such an awesome feeling knowing all the refining that had taken (and continues to take place) over that time.

I'm generally not the most patient person. if something doesn't happen within about 2 weeks i generally give up and move on. not with this. i really felt that God was moving with my job stuff, but i just didn't know when or how that would work out. there were many times when i wanted to give up and quit and work at starbucks but i just knew that He had something more for me. so i pressed on.

when i found out last week, i was SO proud of myself for being faithful, and not giving up. I'm not sure if God says "i told you so" often but i could feel him saying that over me with a smile.

then i thought of this verse...mal 3:10. it has been INCREDIBLE to really not be able to contain the blessings. i don't even know what to do with myself half the time. i go around wondering if this is my life or if it's a movie. it just seems that over the last week it was the best case scenario every single time. or I'd think of how cool it would be if this happened or that happened and then the most wild possibility would end up happening. my little plans were GREATLY overshadowed by what He's longing to pour out over me.

so after a week of that, I've resigned (ha ha) to the fact that He's just going to blow me away. and I'm PUMPED!! bring it! ;)

"Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it." -malachi 3:10b

stillness? waiting? really?!?!

So i've got this reoccurring image that i don't know where i first saw it, but it comes around every now and then-mainly when i'm trying to make a decision or sort out what's going on around me. I'm in a circular room made out of mirrors. every single surface is reflective (maybe i got this image from a movie, the labyrinth maybe??). there is one door in that room, but you can't tell its a door, it just looks like a mirror. so i furiously go around the room trying to find the door out at some point the room feels like it's spinning so i loose track of which door/mirrors i've tried and which ones i haven't.

when people have asked me how i've been recently this is the first thing that comes to mind. trying to find my way out of the mirrored room. thinking things are doors when they aren't and just getting exhausted and frustrated. i was telling some friends this a couple weeks ago and they both just spoke stillness into me. not the answer i wanted to hear. i wanted to hear, you're almost there. go for it. instead i got wait. sit in the center of that room of mirrors and wait for Him to open the door.

easier and SO much harder all at the same time. so i'm waiting. sigh.

me...right now

a new post. i know right?! that's just how life has been lately. i can't even begin to discourse the last 5 months. they're pretty much all over the place, and involve moving twice during that time. i actually packed my stuff up 3 times, but that's another story for another day. part of me wishes i could say that my life was starting to calm down for a bit, but then the other part of me is really excited about what *could* be coming. nothing super big, believe me (i am NOT moving-ha ha), just some small things that will hopefully pay some huge dividends in the form of more time and less stress.

anyway. i was thinking about me and trying to label what i've been feeling for i don't know how long and the best i could come up with is "wait" by alexi murdoch. i LOVE alexi murdoch and this song is definitely in my top 10 songs...

Feel I'm on the verge of some greath thruth
Were I'm finally in my place
But I'm thumbling still for proof
And it's cluttering my space
Casting shadows on my face
I know I have a strength to move a hill
I can hardly leave my room
So I'll sit perfecty still
And I'll listen for a tune
When the mind is on the moon

And if I stumble
And if I stall
And if I slit now
And if I should fall
And if I cant be all that I could be
Will you, will you wait for me

Cause everywhere I seem to be
I am only passing through
I dream these days about the sea
Always wake up feeling blue
Wishing I could dream of you

So if I stumble
And if I fall
And if I slit now
And loose it all
And if I can't be all that I could be
Will you, will you wait for me


yeah. waiting. definitely my strong suit. ha ha. stay tuned. :)

good words

i think i'll actually write some of my own words soon, but this was given to me again this last weekend, almost exactly a year after i first heard it. it's more appropriate now than ever. Thanks michelle!

our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
it is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
we ask ourselves, who am i to be brilliant, GORGEOUS, talented and fabulous?

actually, who are you not to be?
you are a child of God.

your playing small doesn't serve the world.
there's nothing enlightened about shrinking so
that other people won't feel insecure around you.
we are all meant to shine, as children do.
we are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us

it's not just in some of us, it's in everyone.
And as we let our light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
as we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

-Marianne Williamson

while we're being real...

i didn't write these words, but its amazing how they parallel my heart.

I’ve realized recently in my own life that part of my struggle to trust God stems from my fear that His plan for my life will be smaller than all that I could ask or imagine. I can dream up some pretty darn fantastic stories for myself, but ultimately I break under the pressure and fail to trust Him because I fear He can’t dream that big. I’m wrong (easier to know in the head than the heart). So I’m still hoping for a beautiful story that would make this whole life journey an unbelievable display of His greatness, not to mention worth the heartache. Some days that comes easier than others

i'm such a groupie

here are the pics from after the mutemath show.


darren king and i. he's the out of control drummer. i can't even describe it. he just goes to this other place and it's beautiful.



mutemath. paul meany (lead vocals/keys), greg hill (guitar/vocals), roy mitchell-cardenas (bass), darren king (drums)



paul. he's a little out of control too. but dang good at what he does. this pic cracks me up. i don't take photos this close with my good guy friends. much less people i don't really know. but he's famous, so he does what he wants. ha.

so yeah. fun times. we're now bff and all. ha.

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times

Sometimes on no sleep i do rediculous things. like run 8 miles with a windchill of about -5 degrees with just spandex and a dry-wick shirt. or leave my camera at a habitat for humanity warehouse...

didn't realize my camera was gone until i wanted to use it to take pictures of mutemath at the matchbox twenty show. at the time i didn't so much care. there weren't any super important pics on there and i was getting ready to meet mutemath. nothing was getting me down.

i just got back from habitat and my camera is gone (i def didn't expect it to be there). SUCK. reality check. congratulations anna, you are getting a new camera. the part that makes me the most frustrated is that i had just convinced myself that i could afford an iphone with my bonus from work and my tax rebate. so now that money is going to a new camera. ugh.

*wendy let me use her camera to get pics of me and mutemath. i'll post them when she uploads them

a woman with a plan

I love a good plan. Those who have ever had to do anything with me know this. I'm not quite sure why I like them so much. I was asked the other day if I EVER fly by the seat of my pants and I laughed, yeah, I think I did it once, but I'm pretty sure I was planning on being spontanious at the time.

So tomorrow morning, I'm planning on curling up with my favorite down blanket, some hot water (it's kind of a long story), and a book or two. I say two, well, because I'm currently reading about 5 and it would be nice to get that number down a little before I add to it. Half-way through 5 books. Now this is EXACTLY why I have to plan a morning to relax and read.

oh. I also am going to try to bake something from my amazing Martha Stewart Cookbook that ted and kelli got me for Christmas.

so. excited.

do this in rememberance of me

Growing up Catholic you pretty much have the Mass memorized by the time you're 12. There are minor differences, but for the most part, the prayers, rituals and responses stay pretty intact. Year after year it is always the same. "Do this in rememberance of me". Said by the priest after he has blessed the bread and wine. Quoting Jesus at the last supper, after he to had blessed the bread and wine.

Today is Ash Wednesday. I might still get a call from my mom asking me if I've been to church yet. I remember getting out of school to go to church (and in Lousiana, because of the high percentage of Catholic kids, I think it was like a legit half day or something) and then "accidently" wiping my forehead so I wouldn't get made fun of when i went back to school. In the car ride back to school we were always asked what we had decided to give up that year. I liked to say chocolate-which was quickly vetoed...being that I HATE chocolate and never eat it. We were supposed to come up with something we REALLY liked and would miss, a sacrifice. Like Jesus had sacrificed. I can't for the life of me tell you one thing i have given up in the past.

A friend and I were talking about it last night. She was REALLY enjoying her diet coke (even toasting on every sip. let me tell you-you all WISH you could have been there to see that) becaus it was going to be the last one she drank until easter. During this exchange I realized that i hadn't decided on anything yet. Not that you have to give up something, but I'm just at a place right now, where I don't want to wake up one sunday and realize that it's easter. I need lent right now.

So here is what I've come up with. I too am giving up soda. Not that I drink it a lot, but I LOVE it. And I'm one of those people who will do anything to get what I really LOVE and obsess about it. (read-lack of self control and expert rationalization skills). So the soda is about just not getting something that I want and learning discipline in that. I'm also giving up TV/movies and The OC. I know, The OC gets its own catagory. You have no idea how obsessed I am about it. I don't watch a whole lot of tv at all. But I do watch it when I could be doing other things. and that's what i'm trying to do here. Just create some time and space in my life to write my food for the hungry kid, or paint, or read one of the 50 books that I've bought but have yet to read. (I am allowing myself one movie a week, mainly for social purposes, but also because well...I'd rather watch a movie than take a nap, and I think I might be taking lots of naps in the near future)

I'll definitely keep ya'll updated on how it's going. My hope is that during this time I am able to focus more on Christ and spend some intentional time listening to Him. Do this in rememberance of me...

i made HER smile!

so. interesting fact about anna #482 i LOVE to read random (and sometimes not so random) peoples blogs. i'm following a woman as she raises her quad babies in texas, oh about 50 families who are adopting babies from other countries, a stay at home blogging professional mom to two adorable dogs and a sweet little girl, the list could go on. anyway it's become a new obsession of mine.

one of the blogs that i've started to read and LOVE is beth moore's living proof ministries blog. I'm a HUGE fan of beth and have done a ton of her studies, read a few of her books and heard her talk once. (sidenote-if i look half way as good as she does when i'm 50, i'll be SO excited) so on her blog this week she asked those who were reading to leave a comment about who we were, where we were from, what church we went to and our favorite truth right now. so i'm starting to leave my comment and i get to the church denomination part and i'm a little stumped. i don't really know exactly what heartland classifies themselves as, and i honestly don't know much about different denominations, so i put "emergent-ish". because i'm not sure we're 100% emergent, or even 1%, but it seemed like the closest thing in my mind. and really, if you know me, you know that i stick "ish" on the end of EVERYTHING so it just seemed natural at this point.

so today i'm looking at her blog and she posted all the stats, and i get to the church section and there is my "emergent-ish" with a parenthesis (made me smile).

SO FUN! i made beth moore smile. over 1500 comments and mine made her smile. anyway. that's exciting to me.

wanderlust

Wanderlust. An old German word, when translated from the original German means far and ache. What a description of my heart right now. Aching for far places.

It's been about a year and a half since I've been out of the country. A year and a half since I've been a place I've never been before (although, officially i had never been to Savannah). And I've got that ache. That longing to pack my bag and head out, sitting in coffee shops for hours reading. You know, the kind with book exchanges, because really when you're hiking through south west china, do you really want to carry around more than one book? Eating fresh pineapple for breakfast in an open air restaurant, with nothing on the agenda but the beach, which oh by the way is just a block away.

These blogs are definitely NOT curbing my desire to travel...

friends of a friend. i see their pictures and I'm actually back there. every day i have to fight the urge to buy a plane ticket

never really thought about going to Vietnam until i stumbled across their blog a couple of weeks ago. it also makes me want to adopt a little Vietnamese boy REAL bad too!

And my good friend/old roommate is spending the next month-ish travelling all over the pacific rim area. don't worry I'm not jealous. not at all. ha.