hope

I saw We Are Marshall today with the fam. I really loved it...(granted there are only a few sports movies in existence that I don't love). My favorite scene is one where Matthew McConaughey (as head Coach Jack Lengyel) and his assistant coach
Red Dawson realize that they need some super easy plays for their very inexperienced team. Coach Dawson suggests the vear play, which coincidentally their rivals UWV are experts at. Lengyel looks at Red and is like, "lets go ask Bobby (bowden, uwv head coach) if he'll help us out". Red just laughs. But Lengyel presses it. Not with force, but with a "dude, what have we got to lose" attitude. Then when they get there, Bowden laughs at him too. But eventually lets them have pretty unlimited access to his film and playbooks. Red is in awe. Seriously-their rivals handing them that weeks playbooks?!? But Lengyel walked into the film room like it was no big deal. Because he totally expected Bowden to help them out. There are a couple more scenes that are basically the same. It always seemed that Lengyel was walking around expecting the most random crazy things to just fall into place. Most of the time people didn't believe him, didn't believe that it would work out, and I'm sure there were plenty of whispers behind his back about how irrational he was. But he didn't seem to care.

What a way to live. To just walk around in the complete faith that God was going to pull through for you, in everything. Over the last week or so I've had two different people say that I seemed like a really hopeful person. I think this is a good thing, better than being dark and twisty. But can one be too hopeful? It's been something that I've been chewing on recently. Can you have too much hope? I mean not saying "it will all work out" so people will quit asking if you're ok hope, but the real depth of looking at a completely seemingly hopeless situation and knowing and believing that He's got it. I don't know. Some days I feel too hopeful, like my little hot air balloon of hope is going to get shotdown and it's gonna hurt to fall, and I'm going to regret not being more rational...but most days I'm like "dude, what have we got to lose"

what the heck?!

I just glanced through an article on msn women talking about the way to get CLOSER to a guy. I thought it was a joke because as I look at their main points, I am pretty certain that these are all pretty destructive to a relationship. Thank goodness I don't have to play by the worlds standards..here is a breakdown of what they say-

flirting with someone else ("But the truth is, a little innocent flirting with someone other than your steady can have serious relationship benefits.") because that's not cheating

being selfish ("So instead of waiting for him to give you what you need every time, get a little grabby now and then") because it is all about YOU

arguing ("Arguing is actually one of the healthiest things you and your guy can do for your relationship.)" healthy, but maybe not one of the healthiest things

walking away angry ("They walk away from the fight because they're worked up, but then abort the fight altogether because it makes them uncomfortable to restart.)" manipulation at its best

lying ("Sometimes telling a little white lie is easier than telling the truth.") don't even get me started

wow. What I think is sad is that women will read this and take to heart what this says.

happy birthday my dear!!!

Carolyn is 22! Holy cow! Seriously, I think the story goes how I was on of the first students she met at k-state when she took her tour (I was standing outside of boyd, go figure). Then she happened to actually live on my floor...which was pretty fantastic. And the rest they say is history. Girl, it's been AMAZING to watch you grow and to see so many prayers answered in your life. I know that right now is the beginning of something big-believe Him for that! Thanks for letting me journey with you! I love you!!!

and a partridge in a pear tree

That's what this last week has felt like...everything christmas squeezed into 4 days. I'm worn out. But I LOVE it. I'm one of those people who November first starts putting away the fall decorations and listening to carols. One month just isn't quite enough for me.

Here are some pictures of what the last week has been like for me.

This is what the view from my back balcony looks like. I'm so blessed! I just love to sit in my room (my window looks out onto the balcony) and pretend that I'm not even in kc...because all i can see is the tree and the pond. That little corner of my room is probably my favorite place in town.

This is the view from my cube at work. Maybe not my favorite place in the city, but if you're going to be at work when everyone else has 2 snow days, might as well have something beautiful to gaze out at.


A ministry that I'm a part of here (Intl Students Inc.) had two christmas parties this weekend. They had to split it into two nights because there were so many students. It was such a fun time. I don't know if I've ever sat in someones house while they played piano and sang caorls. I sort of felt like I was in a movie...minus the 50 international students singing right along with us. This is my friend Wei. She is precious! What I really love about her is she's not afriad to speak chinese with me, even though it's hard work for her to understand my horrible attempt at conversation.



What a proud Baba! PoBo (the son) just started laughing and giggling during one of the songs. His dad couldn't get enough of him!


Finally my two good friends Preeti and Vikalp. I met them last easter and they have just been so fun to get to know. Man how I wish they were Family!!!

out of control-for real

The last 24 hours I've felt like I was in china all over again. Seriously. People out everywhere! It started with the Thanksgiving Day 5k at the sprint campus. It was my first road race ever, and I'm officially addicted (it doesn't hurt that I have an addicted personality, I get addicted to EVERYTHING, just ask anyone who has lived with me). Nat and I were running in the 10 min. mile pace group and we didn't cross the start until like a minute after the gun when off...And then pretty much the first 2.5 miles, you're weaving in and out of people, trying not to elbow-butt anyone (I guess I swing my arms wide, I hit like 4 people) or get run over. The last half mile opened up, and that was nice.

Then later that night we headed down to the plaza to see the lights lit up. Complete with fireworks, it was way beautiful and fun. A couple got engaged right in front of us. It was soo fun! I don't even know them but I was way excited. (sparkley things, such as lights, fireworks and diamonds get me excited-I was on excitement overload). But there as well were tons of people. I felt bad, because I've mastered the skill of working my way through crowds, but Nat and her mom haven't so much, so I kept losing them.

And then this morning. Yes, I was one of THOSE people who was outside target at 5:30. Ever since I can remember I've gone shopping the day after thanksgiving (and Christmas too), so I know what to expect, but every year, I'm floored at how grown adults run through the store and push people out of the way to get the new hot item. In my quest for season 1 of 24 I had to brave the chaos that is the electronics section! This time though, the throng of people had carts! Double whammy! I tried to decide which was more a mess, electronics or toys. Too close a call. But my bravery/(stupidity??) was rewarded with not only season 1 but all 4 seasons of 24 for 16.99 each. Score!

One thing that I found though, was the amazing feeling of camaraderie. Like generally when shopping you don't strike up a conversation with random shoppers, but today, you do. You find solace in that others are going through exactly what you are, on very limited sleep and need second judgments on what Christmas present will be perfect for their 12 year old daughter that they can't treat like a kid anymore. It was great. I LOVE talking to strangers.

I'll post pics as soon as I get my computer back from the apple store. Lately I've become really good friends with tech support :( (although plugging in the power cord tends to help when your computer won't turn on because the battery is low...thanks neilson!)

ya'll

So my vacation in georgia was pretty awesome. It's always different going "home" to a place I've never lived, but after a couple of hours it's all the same. I hadn't seen my fam in almost a year so it was great to just catch up, chill out, eat a lot and watch a lot of food network (I don't have cable, and I'm finding that is the channel that I miss the most, especially around the holidays). I had forgotten how different life is down there. We got to hang out with some of my mom's friends, it was a hoot. I have never heard not only such thick accents, but just sugary words.


This is my sis and I at my brothers football game. It was freezing that night. Well...maybe not freezing but my thick kansas blood decided that layers weren't needed and I paid for it later.


Meet Gracie. She's my sister's pomerian/corgie mix. How cute is she?


the fam

in other news I said goodbye to Dork (my 96 neon)

and hello to ryan (an 05 mazda tribute)

It was hard parting with dork, we'd been all over the country together, but it's nice to not have to worry about the little things like shutting the passenger door just right to reduce the hwy noise, or punching the drivers side door from the inside to get in, or scraping the ice of the inside of the car, yeah it was about time for an upgrade.

surviving

So I just got off the phone with a friend who I hadn't talked to in a while. And he said something that really caught me off guard. I asked him how he was doing and he said "yeah you know, alright I guess". My warm hearted and oh so thoughtful reply was "well I guess that's all you can ask for sometimes". (What the heck? Really?) His response was "No I don't think so". Is that really what I think? That merely surviving is ok? Have I become so calloused and jaded, that hurt and pain and struggles are the norm and all I can hope for??? I'm embarrassed at my response and lack of compassion but what a good kick in the stomach reminder of all that we DO have to hope for.

seattle days and Shane nights

So I LOVE this weather. It has felt so much like seattle lately. It's made me miss it-alot. Dark skies, misty rain, temps in the 40s. Fabulous! One of my favorite things about seattle is when the baby raindrops (not like the big kansas raindrops) would make light sparkle. We'd be driving down I-5 at night and the raindrops on the windshield would refract the lights from the other cars and they would just sparkle. Like little strands of diamonds and rubies. Beautiful! It was like that this morning as I was driving to work. If you're going to be driving to work when it's still dark, at least God made it all sparkly for me. :) It could stay like this for a really long time and I'd be alright.

On a totally unrelated and random note, I almost met Shane Bernard last night (background-I REALLY love Shane & Shane). He played at heartland and one of my friends went up to talk to him afterward to tell him how influential his music has been on her walk with Jesus. I thought it would be cool to meet him, but I just punked out and stood off to the side. How was I supposed to follow "your music changed my life..." ahh oh well.

my life

I want it to resonate this...

"And when I came to you, brethren, I did not come with superiority of speech or of wisdom, proclaiming to you the testimony of God. For I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified. I was with you in weakness and in fear and in much trembling, and my message and my preaching were not in persuasive words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith would not rest on the wisdom of men, but on the power of God." 1 Cor. 2:1-5

He's alive!!!!

So I ran to petsmart, got the drops and seriously squeezed like a third of the bottle in his bowl. I think it calls for 3 drops per 2 gallons of water, oh well...I was trying to revive a dying fish, so I wanted to make very sure that I was killing whatever minerals were in the water. Then Nat and I went out to dinner and came home to an alive and kickin' fish. So we decided to rename him from Hezekiah to Lazarus (for obvious reasons). What an event filled evening!

death

So I just killed my fish...well, he's in the process of dying. We have these drops that make tap water safe for betas, but they don't so much work if you forget to put them in. I hadn't cleaned his bowl in a while so I was all gung-ho about making his habitat clean and enjoyable again. I rinse his bowl clean his rocks and put him back in. I even give him some food. About 2 hours later (10 min ago) I look at him and he's trying to breathe really hard and then I remember that I forgot to put the drops in. So I grab them really quickly and only 3 drops come out...the bottle is empty. So now he's just sorta floating on the top, barely able to breathe. Do I take him out and flush him to end his misery, or do I leave him in there and hope he pulls through. seriously I'm about to cry. I know he's just a silly little fish, but I get really attached to my pets (and the fact that I'm the reason he's dying doesn't help either). Thank goodness that i'm not a doctor...natasha just came home and we're running to petsmart right up the road to get more drops he may live after all!!

Something to be said for Chinese medicine

right now I need this

because as everyone in china knows, an iv drip will cure EVERYTHING. You've got a cold, "go get an iv", you have a headache, "get an iv" you stub your toe "you better get an iv". It's pretty hilarious when you stop and think about it. But after a month and a half of having a cold and being on various different antibiotics, an iv isn't sounding to bad now.

and this
(the sars mask, not the little kid, although he is quite lovely). Germs get passed around work like crazy. Our cubes are only half the height of normal cubes, and we share them with one other person. If I had a sars mask, I sure would wear it. People would think I was crazy, but at least I'd stop coughing.

Tonight I started taking Airborne. Everyone who has used it says that it's awesome. Probably not as good as an iv filled with who knows what (and dispensed out of an old school glass bottle) but we'll see.

thoughtbites

here are some thoughtbites from my journal from india. i was reading back over it processing through some stuff and things just started to jump out at me...so i started hilighting phrases. and that's what we have here...some thoughts to give you a deep but not so wide picture of what was going on around me, in my heart and in my mind while i was there. So yeah, it's chronological, but obviously there is some backstory to a lot of these pieces but you'll just have to ask me for more details ;)

how do i love them through my fear and insecurities and my feelings of lonliness...how do i look into their lives...we have this amazing opportunity to just be...i just felt home...we were doing stuff and then there was a monsoon...it was just beautiful to see the women and look in their eyes...it left me feeling just really vonurable, open-very easy to penetrate my skin.Father help me to respond in the way that shows your love...I would love to be on a team with them...i need to step back from everything right now...its funny how quickly He bonds my heart with the long term workers in cities...

but i have stilled and silenced my soul like a weaned child from its mother...in the secret of his presence how my soul delights to hide...stop thinking...what just happened was God...singing the name of Jesus over and over...held my hands...He wanted to be with me....You are good..he was like "just be"...but my heart is drawn...that all i want to do right now is forever sit in his presence...a culture i didn't know...it was just good to do some house church....why not just commit to whenever..."im career"...where to go...stew daddy...hopeful longing eyes...India is the country with (argueably) the greatest population of Mus....i get to see carolyn in like 10 hours....yeah i'm all over that...to surrender it to you Jesus...a woman who before was not known as upstanding. But Jesus made her righteous...

Through the words of the most disrespected woman in the community, people believed...possibly losing respect in the eyes of others...I bet she had never been saught after...No one would look her in the eye before Jesus and then they were listening to her stories and BELIEVING...my stomach is in knots...unbridled hope...butterflies abound..."be it to me like these animals if I do not fulfull my promise to you"...Like he doesn't ask me to walk through the path with him. he walks it alone...its not dependent on me at all...thinking about that warms my heart and encourages it. like even that thought and the lump is gone! and i'm smiling...it is well...I will wait with peace...I don't want to figure it out...

faithful to his promises...peace about my future...peace about his love....another reminder...she didn't like how Jesus wasn't married. she was just so open...not a god of confusion...totally have a motorcycle if i lived here...big sob in my throat-i think once i can get through it then i will be able to rejoice...i long to chat with amanda...do i see the joy set before me? or do i see a really hard life...i don't need to do the hard thing...its not just something i'd like to do-but its what i feel you made me for. are you really asking me to die to that?...the people i really want to love i almost can't reach without a husband...why...specifically...someone to stand between them and me...I hope that i'm obidient-that's the big thing...has made me remember....super weak...no power, more so no independence...one thing that i've thought was interesting is this time choosing to believe God...peace that I've felt has been out of control...being crazy enough to pray BIG things and believing that He answers prayers....I want to remember them often...like i just want everyone i know to be praying...

God has really affirmed me as a woman over this trip. LIke i feel like I could be worth something. In a country where women are degraded to pieces of meat to be oogled-I've felt almost more, i don't know, loved. but I've felt more worthy than I EVER have. Especially in var. The faces of the people were soft there. I felt home. completely comfortable, alive, energized, like i haven't felt. despite the heat and stench-and darkneww, it just felt like home. LIke familiar-almost calling to me. Beconing me. refreshed. The reality of life there. the POTENTIAL for life there...maybe i'm amazed.

Pictures...as promised

Sorry it's taken me soo long to get these up here. Honestly I've sort of been avoiding it. Being in India felt like home, and leaving and knowing that I'm probably not going back (overseas, anywhere, for a long period of time) for a couple of years is a little hard to swallow. So I really haven't processed, or thought much about it to ease the pain a little. I know, not the healthiest way but it's all I got.

These are going to be in no order...sorry

this is one of my favorite pics from the taj. I wanted to take a picture of this doorway (it leads up to the ground level of the taj) and as I was taking it this Muslim man walked out...perfect!




A woman praying on the ghats at the river. It was really heartbreaking to see them pouring their lives into the river of death.
















this picture is a great image of what life is like there, the daily struggles to get even the smallest things (like crossing the street) accomplished. There were moments of stillness and quietness which were cherished. It was so quiet one night that someone dropping a metal bowl outside our hotel woke me up, but the next morning the noise of daily life started right back up.



to orient us the city we played the Amazing Race. It was just like the real one. Teams of two were given an envelope with clues and some money and set off racing from clue to clue. I've always thought being on the amazing race would be cool, and I still would love to do it, but I cannot imagine being under an adrenaline rush for as long as they race. Holy cow! I was on a team with l-dub and we quickly fell into last place when our rickshaw driver took us to a completely different place (this was the first of many stressful and crazy rickshaw rides with l-dub). We started out as separate teams, but eventually with the help of a monsoon we finished the race together. The last hour was spent in a colossal downpour, not really knowing where we were much less where we were going, pushing stalled out rickshaws through 2 feet of oh so clean water, walking through that water and trying to not think about what just brushed our leg...it was awesome. This pic doesn't quite do it justice, but it's all I got.




h-diggity, k dawg and I spent one afternoon with the intent of pr walking the university there. Within about 2 min of being on campus and pring, I see these three girls and just go up to them and start talking. We talk for a few minutes and then continue on with our "task" of pring. The whole time I'm thinking man, we should go back and talk more to those girls, and regretting my decision to continue walking. Not 30 seconds later they come running after us hollering my name. It was pretty sweet. They showed us around and then did the obligatory "come to my dorm to meet all my friends". I even got to share Truth with them through my tattoo. Small seeds, but seeds none the less. So here we are in front of the technology building.



so I didn't take this last picture, and it's kind of random, but its about the closest one I've found to the image from India that will stick with me forever. During the amazing race, on one of the rickshaw rides, l-dub and I ended up in the Muslim part of town. I had never been in a mus. culture, so it was all new to me. Every thing captured my attention and my heart kept filling up with awe and joy and love, and burden. I felt like it was about to burst. The kids were just getting out of school so all the moms were out picking them up (the women usually don't go out on the street unless it's to get their kids from school). There was this one girl/woman in a burka on a rickshaw coming toward us. Our eyes met and, man, it's so hard to describe, but there was just this huge depth of hopeful longing in her eyes. I wondered how many people had actually looked her in the eyes, and told her they loved her and that she was beautiful. Even now she grips my heart.

I'm sure I'll put up more pictures as I process more. It was an amazing trip, completely different from what I expected. Who knows where I'm supposed to end up, but I sure wouldn't mind if it were there....

a little less clarity, a little more trust

I need reptition. I don't remember ANYTHING the first time. So when things in my life are repeated, i tend to figure that it's just God trying to make a point. I heard a quote by Mother Theresa this morning at church, then as I was reading this afternoon I came across it again...

from Ruthless Trust by Manning

"When the brilliant ethicist John Kavanaugh went to work for three months at "the house of the dying" in Calcutta, he was seeking a clear answer to how best to spend the rest of his life. On the first morning there he met Mother Theresa. She asked, "And what can I do for you?" Kavanaugh asked her to pray for him. "What do you want me to pray for?" she asked. He voiced the request that he had borne thousands of miles from the United States: "Pray that I have clarity." She said firmly, "No, I will not do that." When he asked her why, she said "Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of." When Kavanaugh commented that she always seemed to have the clarity he longed for, she laughed and said, "I have never had clarity; what i have always had is trust. So I pray that you trust God.""

you two girls and my mom

so i'm back, india was awesome and i'll post pictures later....
last night a friend and I had the most fun babysitting probably the coolest 4 year old i know. he was a riot the whole 4 hours. from randomly screaming to pulling out EVERY stuffed animal that he or his sister owned. i seriously laughed the whole time. Near the end of the night i asked him who the most beautiful girl in the world was. without skipping a beat he says "well you two girls...and my mom....and maybe my sister". it was so sweet. then later he's getting ready for bed and decides that he wants his back rubbed, but "wait i need to get something from my mom's room" and then he runs back in with a jar of lotion that his grandma made and takes off his shirt, so it could be rubbed on his back. awesome. it totally made my week.

elevators

so I think in a few days life is going to seem a little harder for me all because of elevators...well...maybe not, but I'll let you know.

Prior to my "real job" the most elevator experience I had was in the rickety little elevator in Boyd and Putnam (yes friends, it had a door and a gate you had to manually open) which I'm sure were installed when the buildings were built. Needless to say, trying to fit more than 4 people in it was a feat. So I come to work and I enter the world of corporate elevators. The first thing I noticed was the fact that the men practically fell over each other to let the women on and off first. I didn't know people still did this...not only the older guys, but the young just out of college guys too. Most days it's nice, now that i know that i will be expected to make the first move towards the door. sometimes it's a little inconvenient when I'm in back of a packed elevator. I just want to be like "I don't care when I get off, and I'd rather not make everyone else squish so you can go first, no problem".

yesterday after work a group of us (me being the only girl) were all waiting for the elevator and when it arrived, I stepped forward, taking my customary 'first one on' position, when a guy totally darted in front of me and got on the elevator first. As it was happening he realized it and apologized and of course I didn't care but it was interesting to see both of our reactions. I don't think I deserve to be let on or off first, but there is a certain amount of respect I guess that entitles that to happen. have I now come to expect it...yes, if only to avoid the awkward 'who's going to go first' scenario.

so I know it's a small thing but still I think that because of it I think that I'm going to struggle a little more with my role as a woman in the next few weeks.

beloved

"Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders" dut 33:12

un-american???

so I'm sitting at home flipping through the channels when i see one of the televised fourth of july fireworks shows. And i'm struck. I knew today was the 4th, and had two seperate invites to go watch the fireworks here but didn't go with either. it just didn't seem like a big deal to me. granted I'm not feeling well and have had a cold all week, but still it's the 4th of july and i wonder if i should have gone out.

For some reason holiday's just aren't that big anymore. I don't know why, maybe it was celebrating them unconventionally overseas (even though we sure did have an easter egg hunt around the lake at one of the universities), maybe it's being so far away from my family, or maybe i've turned into this huge introvert who would rather chill than celebrate with a lot of people. who knows. I'm hoping it's just the cold...

my zhong guo family

i miss these people...LOTS!



every party turned into a theme party...gotta love the 80's!



the girls...d's b-day.



i don't know why all of a sudden i'm seriously missing these people. maybe because it's summer and i'm not in china. i love you guys!!!!

post-op

So i had my knee surgery on wednesday...it went well (or that's what everyone kept telling me). I had never had surgery before so it was slightly scary. After i woke up in recovery the first thing i remember saying (after asking for a pillow to put under my knee) was profusely thanking my anthetist. It was hillarious. like it was probably the most heart felt thank-you I've ever given anyone. And i wanted to thank everyone i saw. Amy weaver picked me up and took me home, making sure that i was about as comfortable as i could be. I spent most of wed trying not to get sick. the combination of the anesthetics and pain meds made me extreemly nautious. so i just layed on the sofa and talked to random people on the phone. i had to make sure that i didn't talk to fast because if i did, then the room would start spinning. Around 8 I got really hungry (I hadn't eaten or drank anything all day) so Nat and i went to go get pizza. I love how crackers were upsetting my stomach but i managed to hold down like 5 pieces of black olive little caesars. :)

it's been pretty much the same story yesterday and today. not eating a whole lot...watching more news then i care to (lots of people are dying in the kc area...just in case you're wondering) and trying to hobble around the apt. today though i am able to walk around without my crutches. amy and i hung out this morning by the pool...what a great way to recover!!! tomorrow some of us are headed out to a jazz fest in op. hopefully i'll have enough energy to make it.

sidenote...when they do scope surgeries on knees they fill the knee with water. it's the WEIRDEST feeling. the only way i can describe it is stomach gurgling going on in my knee. gross.

india team

aren't we a good lookin bunch???

hwy 99

So driving home last night after my meeting wasn't exactly ideal, but jennifer told me that if I go through wamego it will be quicker. I head out on my merry little way and as soon as i get out of town I start freaking out. it was really weird. Like i knew that the road was going to continue, but there were moments that I felt like I was going to either plummet off the road or slam into a brick wall. As I was praying about what was going on a car comes over the hill with its brights on FLOODING the road with light. the blinding kind. All i could see was light. how much time do i spend fearing the darkness, physically anxious about what is right infront of me. But when i'm focused on His light i see that the road does go on and not run into a wall. simple i know but it just struck me.

slurpees anyone???

so my new apartment is right next door to a 7-11. Every time I drive by, I grin to myself because to me 7-11's don't belong in america. now i know that is strange to most of you, but my first 7-11 experience was in Thailand. Seriously i had never been in one before then. So today i decide that I want a dr. pepper after work so i stop in to my convinent neighborhood 7-11. I go to pay for my soda and am just chatting with the clerk who is in broken english telling me about the credit card swiper thing. So I ask him where he is from and he replies THAILAND. I about died. so we chatted a bit about phuket and bangkok. I'm so going to find excuses to go there all the time just to talk with my new thai friend. the picture is of my friend brent. obviously in a 7-11 somewhere in thailand. i don't quite remember where we were at...

phat

So on monday I went to the doctor to have them check my knee out. "The doctor" is quite an understatement actually....(insert fanfare) The Kansas City Orthopedic Institute. I wondered how much it was going to cost me to walk in there much less be seen. This is where all the Roalys and Chiefs players get their knee work done. Anyhow after some tests the doctors decided that I have "Hoffa's Syndrome" in my right knee. Better known as "enlarged fat pad syndrome". The picture shows pretty much what my mri looked like. The patella is in the top left of the pic and under it to the right a little is the fat pad. Everyone has one, but not everyone's gets caught and pinched in between the knee joints (as in the picture). Think of slamming your finger in a door...not fun. So trying to keep a straight face when you're being told that the problem is because your knees are overly fat is really hard. The only way to fix it really is to have surgery to remove the excess fat....lypo for your knees. I'm going back in a month to check stuff out and see if the swelling and pain has gone down and then probably going to get surgery. The recovery time isn't too long and the doc said I'd be back to speed for India. AND once it gets fixed I'll be able to continue running...a HUGE answer to prayer.

circa 1950

In about 3 weeks I'm moving into a sweet apartment with Natasha. It's been fun trying to communicate and "set up house" from different continents. Both of us living in the dorms until we graduated then moving overseas pretty much equals no furniture. Thankfully Natasha's dad found this piece of art at an auction recently. Look at those chairs...aren't they somethin? yeah they might get slipcovered or replaced. I think this is actually the same set my grandmother has only hers is green. So you'll have to come visit us to check out our place, swim in the awesome pool, and laugh at our amazing chairs!

I need words...

So I've had the most difficult time lately coming up with words?!?! In conversation, in writing, everything! I just stutter and mumble my way through what ever thought I'm trying to express. I'm not quite sure how I feel about all this. Words have been my "thing" for such a long time. (Yes I was that kid in school whose desk was pushed up against the chalkboard because it was the only way to stop me from talking...There's not so much community at the chalkboard). So it's really weird to feel like I'm not communicating well. Maybe it will enable me to hear better...I can only hope.

princess beds

when I first came back from china I stayed at the alvarez's in their guest room. After a year of sleeping on a large, albeit not so comfy bed I was so excited to have a soft bed. Down pillows, a down duvet, really high thread count sheets...it was awesome. anyhow that first morning i wake up with the sun shining in the window, the fan blowing on my face and thought "this is what a princess feels when she wakes up". For real. that was my first thought. since then i've affectionately called that bed the "princess bed", and told EVERYONE I know to sleep in it because it's awesome (just one notch behind the beds at sheridan hotels). So this last weekend I stayed with josh and cassie, and was a little sad that it would be a trip to manhattan without the princess bed. But no. There's another princess bed in manhattan!! As crazy as it sounds their hide-a-bed is amazing! So if you ever get the chance, you now have two options for quality "princess like" sleep in manhattan.

My weekend was really, really good. It's just good to chill with people who know my heart really well. Plus it seems that each time I go back, i learn so much. sometimes its really deep and it takes a while to unpack, other times, it's the little random things. not so deep this time...when you leave your sunroof open during a thunderstorm, the rain falls at exactly the right angle to completely soak your car in about 30 minutes. tattoos hurt hurt no more than getting purell in a papercut. people in manhattan drive really slow...or maybe i've just become a dreaded jo co. driver. i really, really love my friends. i didn't just learn that...but was more reminded of how much.

pieces of me

Sometimes it takes an insightful friend, great company, random french music and a paintbrush to kindle a spark in a girls heart. Thanks friends! I've enjoyed journeying with you guys through your blogs...so i've decided to take you along on what is transpiring to be quite the ride...